Leslie Nielsen got his start as a serious dramatic actor, but he ended up known as one of the best comic actors working in Hollywood, and has some of the greatest movie lines in comedy history. Nielsen got his start on television before making his film debut in dramas, westerns, and romance films. However, Airplane! changed everything.
Few people who watched Leslie Nielsen in movies like Forbidden Planet and The Poseidon Adventure could have foreseen his brilliance in comedy, mainly as a ᴅᴇᴀᴅpan comic actor. With turns in Airplane! and The Naked Gun franchise, he secured his place in history, and his best quotes include some of the funniest lines in cinema history.
10
“When I See Five Weirdos Dressed In Togas…”
In The Naked Gun, Leslie Nielsen plays Frank Drebin, a mostly oblivious cop who sometimes struggles to understand what is going on. As a detective, he is someone who needs the evidence laid out for him; otherwise, he would never solve a case. He also proved with this funny quote that he misunderstands situations as well.
In this quote, Frank is with his captain, Ed Hocken, and they are speaking to the mayor, who says she doesn’t want another situation like the one in the park. That is when Frank delivers this brilliant line, saying that when he sees five men in togas, stabbing someone in front of 100 people, he will shoot them.
Of course, the punch line is that they were Shakespeare in the Park actors, and the mayor emphasized, “and good ones” to add to the joke.
9
“I’ve Been Like A Father To You!”
Superhero Movie was a spoof film that critics universally panned, calling it unfunny, unoriginal, and one in a non-ending slate of poorly received comedies spoofing every genre. Released in 2007, this was before the MCU began, so the movies it had to spoof included тιтles like Spider-Man, The X-Men, and Batman Begins.
However, one thing it did have going for it was Leslie Nielsen, who played an Uncle Ben-type character named Albert Riker. The scene with this quote paralleled the Spider-Man scene where Peter Parker had a falling out with his Uncle Ben before he was killed.
However, Uncle Albert was a little too open and honest, saying he loved him like his father did, he believed in him like his father did, and he had Sєx with Rick’s mother just like his father did. It was one step too far, made even better by the look on Kevin Hart’s face when he delivered the line.
8
“Crazy Is Walking Down The Street With Half A Cantaloupe On Your Head Saying, ‘I’m A Hamster’.”
In 1996, Leslie Nelsen was in another spoof movie, this one based on the spy genre. The film, тιтled Spy Hard, starred Nielsen as Dick Steele, also known as Agent WD-40, a clear parody of James Bond and 007. This was one of the early movies by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, who went on to make several spoofs.
The entire film is ridiculous, featuring a young child based on Macaulay Culkin from Home Alone, along with a spoof of Bond Girls. The villain is also shocking, as Andy Griffith plays General Rancor. Neeson plays into that perfectly with this quote.
In the scene, Neeson is walking with Veronique Ukrinsky (Nicolette Sheridan), and they hear a giant roar. When Veronique says it is “crazy,” Neeson explains what he considers crazy. The fact that he has no follow-up for it or a reason he even brought it up fits his character perfectly.
7
“Cops And Women Don’t Mix.”
In The Naked Gun, Nielsen’s Frank Drebin has a love interest in Priscilla Presley’s Jane Spencer, a hapless woman who doesn’t know that her boss is a master criminal and was sent to spy on Drebin. However, she falls in love with him, and when he learns of her ulterior motives, he chooses to break things off.
However, as the movie’s entire purpose is to take cop movie tropes and push them to the limit, Drebin doesn’t know when to stop talking. While these scenes usually involved the officer talking about broken hearts and the lack of trust, Drebin instead delivers a comparison that is shocking and horrifying.
After he informs Jane that cops and women don’t mix, he compares it to drinking Drano. “Sure, it will clean you out, but it will leave you hollow inside; Too bad, Sugar Puff.” The fact that he ends by squeezing her cheek makes it even more ridiculous.
6
“Children Of The Night. What A Mess They Make.”
In 1995, Leslie Nielsen teamed with Mel Brooks for a Dracula spoof movie. The film was Dracula: ᴅᴇᴀᴅ and Loving It, and Nielsen starred as Count Dracula. The entire movie retells the Dracula story, but with the twist that Dracula has Leslie Nielsen’s sarcastic and ᴅᴇᴀᴅpan delivery.
This scene was the introduction to Dracula, and it was ridiculous. Renfield (Peter MacNicol) visited Dracula’s castle and saw the Count at the top of the stairs. Soon, a bat flew down and terrified Renfield before Dracula delivered what sounded like one of his classic quotes: “Children of the night…“
However, the punchline was “What a mess they make,” which Dracula points to bat droppings on the ground. To finish the gag, Dracula then slips in the bat droppings and topples down the stairs, before popping up like nothing had happened. While Dracula was unhurt, his shadow was limping and in obvious pain.
5
“It’s The Same Old Story.”
At one point in The Naked Gun, Frank Drebin is baring his soul to Jane Spencer, and as is the case with romantic scenes like this, he opens up to her about his insecurities and his past. However, as is the case with just about anyone Leslie Nielsen plays in spoof movies, he begins to monologue ridiculous sentiments.
Here, he goes on a tangent about how love is so hard to find for him. He starts with the quote, “It’s the same old story,” but then what he says next is far from the same old story. It all starts normally, with him saying, “Boy finds girl, boy loses girl,” and then he goes off the rails.
He goes on to say the girl then finds the boy, but the boy has forgotten about the girl. Then, when the boy finally remembers the girl, the girl dies “in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.” The punch line comes with Jane asking if it’s the “Goodyear” (meaning the blimp), but Frank says, “no, the worst (year).”
4
“Nice Beaver”
The entire Naked Gun franchise is full of Sєxual innuendos and jokes, and most of them come across as dirty before the punch line reveals it was a misunderstanding. When Frank Drebin investigates the villain, he meets the man’s ᴀssistant, Jane, and the two are quickly attracted to each other.
As they are talking, Jane goes up a ladder to get something, all while wearing a dress. Frank looks up at her as she is above him on the ladder and makes what seems to be a completely inappropriate comment, saying, “Nice beaver.“
Of course, the punchline reveals that he wasn’t being dirty or perverted, and it was a literal statement. Jane comes down with an actual taxidermy beaver and responds, “Thanks, I just had it stuffed,” which itself is full of Sєxual innuendo, something that played on throughout the movie for both characters.
3
“It’s A Big Building With Patients.”
In Airplane!, Leslie Nielsen is a doctor onboard a plane that has suddenly become in danger of crashing. When the flight stewardess, Elaine (Julie Hagerty) asks him for help, he quickly determines what is wrong and says that they have to get the sick people to the hospital soon.
Elaine wants to know what is wrong, and when he says they have to get to a hospital, she asks, “What is it?” Of course, she means that she wants to know what is wrong with the sick people, but Dr. Rumack is too literal to understand, and simply answers, “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important.“
Leslie Nielsen delivers several quotes like this in Airplane!, taking what people say to him at face value and having no idea what they are talking about half of the time.
2
“Nothing To See Here. Please Disperse.”
In Naked Gun, there is an exciting car chase and shootout that ends in tragedy. The end of the chase sees Nielsen commandeer a car with a young student driver, so she helps him as they give chase to a doctor whom Ludwig hypnotized to kill Drebin’s partner, Nordberg. However, the car chase goes badly when the doctor dies terribly.
It starts when he crashes into a gas truck, which explodes spectacularly. He survives, but is now on the hood of his still-moving car when he hits a military tank carrying a missile, causing a bigger explosion. Finally, the doctor is riding on the rocket and hits a fireworks company, which causes a giant explosion.
As the people gather around, the building is on fire, and people are running out to save their lives. Meanwhile, all the fireworks start shooting into the air, and Frank Drebin simply stands there and tells people there is nothing there to see, a Naked Gun joke that never needs a punchline.
1
“I Am Serious And Don’t Call Me Shirley”
In the Zucker brothers’ Airplane!, Leslie Nielsen’s Dr. Rumack takes everything people say literally. This is evident throughout his conversations when he realizes that food poisoning is affecting everyone, including the pilots. He has trouble understanding people, and then he sets out to find a way to save the day.
To do so, he finds a man on the plane who is a former pilot named Ted Striker (Robert Hays). Striker has a tragic past that makes him scared to fly a plane, stemming from his traumatic history with flying. Ted is shocked when Dr. Rumack asks him if he can fly the plane and land it.
Instead of saying yes, he says, “Surely, you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack looks at him and says, “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.” The way Leslie Nielsen ᴅᴇᴀᴅpans lines like this is a big reason he remains one of the best comic actors of his generation.
