The Machine stars stand-up comedian Bert Kreischer and is based on a true story he shared many times on stage. Peter Atencio directed the action comedy, which follows Kreischer playing a version of himself, years after the events of the aforementioned stand-up bit. Mark Hamill co-stars in The Machine in his first live-action role post-Star Wars as Bert’s estranged father, Albert Sr., who gets wrapped up in the criminal past of his son. In it, father and son are kidnapped by Russian gang members and brought back to answer for the wild adventure Bert went on 20 years ago.
Kreischer is an occasionally offensive comedian and podcaster who first gained recognition from a Rolling Stone article that profiled him as a legendary partier at Florida State University. Kreischer’s stand-up discusses his raucous past, and his most famous story, “The Machine,” chronicles a series of events surrounding a college-abroad trip to Russia. This bit is depicted in a flashback in The Machine with Jimmy Tatro of YouTube and 22 Jump Street fame as a young Bert. While the contemporary moments of the movie are fictional, the part of The Machine set in the past is true.
The Machine True Story: What Really Happened
Burt Kreischer Becomes The Machine
In college, Burt Kreischer took Russian for two years — largely because of a deal he made with the professor, who would pᴀss him as long as he just showed up to class. Consequently, and crucially, he only learned a few phrases. The last thing Kreischer needed to do in order to earn his minor was to spend a semester abroad in Russia, an ᴀssignment he was more than happy to complete.
As Kreischer explains in “The Machine,” criminal families in Russia held a lot of power in the 1990s. As a result, Kreischer’s class was ᴀssigned two members of the Russian mafia for protection during the course of their travels: Igor and Sasha. Kreischer’s teacher explained that the men would be shadowing the group everywhere they went and told his students not to interact with them.
Despite being told not to talk to Igor and Sasha, Kreischer brought them vodka and beer on the first night of the trip. Because he had never actually studied the Russian language, he memorized a greeting that included a line about how much he loved to party. When the door opened, he found himself looking into a room full of gangsters.
The fish-out-of-water moment was too much for him, and he immediately forgot his prepared line. Instead, he uttered, “Ya machine!” which translates to “I’m the machine!” After a beat, the Russian gangsters raised their glᴀsses and cheered, “He’s the machine!” From that moment, Kreischer was best friends with Igor and Sasha, and they only referred to him as “The Machine.” In addition to spending his trip partying with the two men, Kreischer also participated in a pool-hall scam and a boat theft.
The fish-out-of-water moment was too much for him, and he immediately forgot his prepared line. Instead, he uttered, “Ya machine!” which translates to “I’m the machine!“
Kreischer joined his classmates on a trip to Moscow, but not only was that city run by a different family, but the mafia that controlled the train was yet another. Before they left, Igor and Sasha introduced Kreischer to the class’s new mafia chaperones, who immediately took to “The Machine.” They invited Kreischer into first class, while the rest of the students sat in coach, and he proceeded to drink vodka with the gangsters and the train’s conductor.
When their supply of alcohol was gone, the party went to the train’s bar cart to get more vodka, as well as bread, cheese, and, to Kreischer’s surprise, rubles. He had essentially been tricked into robbing the bar cart. Once it got dark, Kreischer joined his new friends as they stole from pᴀssengers’ luggage — including his classmates’ suitcases. The next morning, Kreischer was awakened by his teacher telling him that they’d called the police and officers were outside waiting for him.
Before Kreischer could stand up to go outside, the gangsters stopped him and said they would take care of it. Kreischer watched his friends go outside and yell at the police in front of his entire class. Eventually, they waved Kreischer outside to talk to the police himself. One of the officers grabbed him, looked him in the eyes, and asked, “Are you the Machine?” When Kreischer said yes, the officer pulled him closer and said, “Tonight, you party with us!”
How The Machine Changes The True Story
The Present-Day Scenes Are Entirely Fiction
Bert Kreischer’s stand-up routine usually ends with the part at the Moscow train station. He occasionally adds an epilogue or embellishments to the story to keep it fresh, but he generally maintains the same central storyline. The true story doesn’t have any far-reaching consequences, but the movie version of The Machine imagines how the events of Kreischer’s trip could have had rippling repercussions years later.
For this, The Machine makes some changes to the true story. In the movie, the flashback to the scene on the train shows that Kreischer believes he hasn’t stolen anything of note, as he makes a conscious effort to only take things that appear to be of little value. However, he does steal a valuable pocket watch from an important Russian figure, and that man’s daughter has been searching for Bert ever since. This is why, in the present, Bert and his father are kidnapped and brought back to Russia to answer for his crime.
Along with that one change to the true story in The Machine, the entirety of the present-day scenes are made up. Kreischer may have had a difficult relationship with his father, but what is depicted between his character and Albert Sr. in the movie is not necessarily based on anything from reality. Their abduction to Russia, meanwhile, is completely fictional. These main events of The Machine are set up by Kreischer’s true story and then expanded upon with an all-new action-packed follow-up that gives thematic weight to the popular tale.
Other Absurd Movies Based On True Stories
These Movies Take Their Stories To The Next Level
Every single movie ever made that is based on a true story has changed details and embellished a bit to make things more cinematic, and while not every movie heightens its story to the extreme, there are some that take a simple true story and make it absurd. One recent example of this is Cocaine Bear which is supposedly based on a real event. Of course, what happens in the film isn’t actually what occurred, but the movie uses its inspiration to make something that is absurd in the best ways.
Others that take their true story inspiration and heighten it with absurd comedy, or far-fetched moments are movies like I, Tonya or even The Disaster Artist. Michael Bay’s Pain & Gain takes its story and turns it up to 11, resulting in a movie incredibly over-the-top in the best ways.
The Conjuring is one of horror’s biggest franchises, and although the Warrens were real people, they have been changed significantly in the movies, and the hauntings have been upped to extreme levels of terrifying. Embellishing a good story can work out, and movies like The Machine prove that “based on a true story” films can be so much fun.
