Star Wars: The Last Jedi is undoubtedly the most divisive Star Wars movie ever made, and I’ve found myself on both sides of the debate as an ardent defender and a harsh critic. While Disney Star Wars had plenty of critics before The Last Jedi came out, I remember those first few years as an exhilarating time to be a fan. We had several new Star Wars movies on the horizon, and Disney’s first two releases were generally well-received.

Then came December 2017, and I never could have predicted just how divided the Star Wars fandom was about to get. It’s easy to see why fan reaction to The Last Jedi was so mixed, especially when writer/director Rian Johnson has stated his preference for making movies that affect audiences this way. So how did I go from loving The Last Jedi to criticizing it as much as those I used to debate?

How I Felt About The Last Jedi Opening Night

I wasn’t quite sure how I felt

My initial reaction to The Last Jedi was how many older fans described seeing Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace in 1999… I didn’t know what to think. I definitely loved certain elements, from the shocking twists to the gorgeous visuals, but the direction Luke Skywalker’s story went in was about the last thing I would have guessed. I avoided the trailers and as many spoilers as possible, so these things really surprised me.

It didn’t help that the theater experience was less than ideal for a Star Wars opening night. There was a distracting red pixel near the bottom left of the screen, I had to use the bathroom for the entire second half, and we were a little too far back in the theater. Because I couldn’t be fully immersed and was taken off guard by the story, I was determined to give The Last Jedi another chance the next day.

Why I Used To Love The Last Jedi

The hype of a new and different Star Wars movie

By the time the credits rolled on the second viewing, I was completely in love with The Last Jedi. This is why I always stress that I understand other fans’ admiration of the film, even if I no longer share that opinion. At the time, however, I was in the camp that thought The Last Jedi was brilliant and exactly what Star Wars needed to shake things up.

I loved how The Last Jedi subverted many tropes we’d come to expect in Star Wars, all the scenes with Luke and Rey, and how it seemingly gave the third film the freedom to do anything. I think the overwhelmingly negative reaction from some online fans pushed me further away, as many of their criticisms seemed unfair or greatly exaggerated. I’m embarrᴀssed to admit I engaged in more than one heated debate with Last Jedi haters on Reddit.

How My Last Jedi Opinions Began To Change

From defending to critiquing

A few years later, I still liked The Last Jedi, but maybe not to the same extent I once had. I also gravitated away from heated online debates about anything, so not constantly defending it meant I wasn’t rekindling my love for it. This allowed me to recognize the movie’s problems on my own, and while this didn’t make me hate it, I accepted that my feelings were now more mixed and complicated.

I was more willing to read reviews, watch videos, and have civil conversations with people who didn’t like The Last Jedi. It became clear that not all the film’s critics were overly hateful or resistant to Star Wars doing something different, and I realized I hadn’t wanted to accept the problems I always had with the movie. More recently, I had a complete Skywalker Saga marathon, and seeing The Last Jedi after all the other movies sealed the deal.

The Last Jedi Is Now One Of My Least Favorite Star Wars Films

And possibly my least favorite to watch

I don’t hate The Last Jedi, but I am now at a point where I find it incredibly frustrating. By making Luke a grumpy hermit who has given up, it feels like the entire plot of The Force Awakens was a waste of time because the First Order had no reason to fear Luke helping the Resistance. I’ve also come to appreciate Luke Skywalker’s original characterization and hero’s journey, so I hate him undergoing such a radical change offscreen.

The movie makes similarly frustrating decisions with other characters, and almost every scene has plot holes and elements that don’t make sense. Why does the Resistance have a fleet of slow, vulnerable bombers when Y-wings have existed for several decades? Why does the First Order not use their mᴀssive fleet to simply surround the Resistance instead of slowly chasing them? It’s okay for a space fantasy to have some silly ideas, but it becomes distracting when it’s a pattern.

Nearly everything set up by the first movie feels like it was canceled out, forcing the next film to develop a last-minute plot. Many character arcs also feel redundant or poorly executed, which is a shame since I was so invested with them in The Force Awakens. I honestly have a hard time seeing The Last Jedi as more than a ripoff of The Empire Strikes Back‘s plot structure, but with familiar Star Wars moments subverted for shock value.

Will I Come Back Around With The Last Jedi?

My Star Wars opinions have changed before

Of course, just because I dislike The Last Jedi now doesn’t mean my opinion won’t change at some point. I used to be caught up in the hate for the Star Wars prequel trilogy, but like other fans, I’ve come to appreciate them more. There was also a time when I disliked The Force Awakens (probably around the time I loved The Last Jedi), but now I can at least watch it as a really entertaining and heartfelt film.

Then again, I was in my late teens and early twenties when the sequel trilogy was released, constantly learning and growing as I entered adulthood. Now that I’m older, perhaps my Star Wars opinions will be more consistent in the long term, but I like to think I’m still open to changing my mind. Maybe Star Wars: The Last Jedi will win me back, but for now, it’s no longer one of my go-to Star Wars movies.