At first, the martial drama of You, Me & Her
feels like the doldrums of long-term relationships we’ve watched onscreen many times before. What unfolds throughout the indie dramedy is an honest and empathetic take on finding avenues of self-expression and growth within a committed relationship. You, Me & Her is taking no moral stance on monogamy or opening up a relationship. While the Sєxual component of the film is critical to opening the characters up to new sides of themselves, it’s these new sides that are the most interesting.
In recent years, there’s been no shortage of movies that candidly discuss threesomes and the struggle of keeping the spark of a marriage alive. What differentiates You, Me & Her from the rest is that just when you think it’s going to lean on heteronormative stereotypes or make us side with either Mags (Selina Ringel) or Ash (Ritesh Rajan), it subverts expectations. While Mags initially falls into the role of controlling wife and Ash is the apathetic and responsibility-averse husband, even when we know nothing about them, it’s clear this isn’t the whole story.
You, Me & Her Is About The Characters’ Individual Growth As Much As It Is About Their Relationship
By The End, Their Futures Might Be Uncertain, But They’re Better Off Than When They Started
On paper, it’s easiest to sympathize with Mags, as she’s the more put-upon party, and it’s her journey of Sєxual exploration that we’re brought along on. However, it quickly becomes clear the roles Mags and Ash have been fulfilling, now a decade into their marriage, are ones they’ve created for themselves. It might seem as though Angela (Sydney Park), the beautiful young woman they meet on vacation who turns Mags’ head, is the catalyst for the change in their relationship and the eventual blowout. But her appearance only furthers along feelings that were already there.
One of my favorite parts of the movie is the inevitable fight between Mags and Ash when they’ve reached their limit and can’t keep pushing their anger down. Though they yell and hurtful words are exchanged, it’s not the violent, explosive drama rom-coms often portray. It’s a sad, painful conversation between two people who love each other. When Ash accepts that he doesn’t have a role in her relationship with Angela, and he gracefully steps away, it’s deeply moving. There are still growing pains, but he still wants Mags to be able to share her life with him.
This Sєxual awakening sheds light on Mags’ desire, not just for a woman, but to be seen as the version of herself she wants to be.
Though Angela’s characterization is never as strong as that of Mags or Ash, she isn’t disposable or one-dimensional. After Mags initially rejects the first woman she meets on vacation but finds herself unavoidably drawn to Angela, it’s obvious she feels a connection to a person, not the idea of a threesome “saving” her marriage. This Sєxual awakening sheds light on Mags’ desire, not just for a woman, but to be seen as the version of herself she wants to be. Though Ash isn’t really a part of Mags’ next phase of her Sєxual journey, he’s on a parallel path.
Mags’ liberation gives him renewed permission to find himself outside their relationship. Seeing her let go of the part of herself that desires control makes him realize this version of their marriage has only been hurting them both. He’s slipped into his incompetence to make room for Mags’ power. Ash is an equally compelling character as Mags. He’s no villain; he’s just a flawed man who’s lost himself. You get the feeling that even if Mags did end up leaving him, he would move on and understand, as her quest for happiness is something he can connect to.
Ringel also penned the script and is director Dan Levy Dagerman’s real-life partner. This might be part of why there’s such an easy rhythm to the marital highs and lows throughout You, Me & Her — it’s coming from somebody who knows. What kept me watching and not writing off their relationship from the start is the kernel of love, trust, and a shared language that makes a long-term partnership worth having is still there under the surface. The meat of You, Me & Her happens when they attempt to unearth it.
You, Me & Her Never Sacrifices Empathy For Humor
The Comedy Of The Characters’ Situations Is Never Malicious
The comedic elements of You, Me & Her sometimes come at the character’s expense, but it’s never malicious or insensitive. They say ridiculous things and make the wrong choices, but it’s painfully relatable to see them stumble through these unfamiliar situations and try desperately to orient themselves. Since the film relies on such a small cast and limited budget, it’s up to the actors and the script to carry this humor and translate it from the page, and it succeeds. Even in the smallest personal dramas, there are universal experiences that feel enormous, and You, Me & Her knows that.
The film leaves the ending slightly ambiguous, as Mags and Ash can be more honest with each other now. They’re able to acknowledge the possibility their marriage might end eventually. Though the film’s final act begins to drag, and many of the same themes are touched upon multiple times, You, Me & Her must be praised for the clarity of its vision. The movie doesn’t overstep or try to be anything it’s not. By the film’s final moments, we can breathe a sigh of relief knowing Mags and Ash are nowhere near where they started.
You, Me & Her will be available to watch in theaters on February 14th, 2025.
